Brooklyn, please
by xSophie
Summary: Set in season 1. Lily never really responded to Bart's proposal, so they're just dating. But she seems to find it difficult to stay with him when her heart tells her to be with Rufus. Summary fail.
1. Chapter 1

He was there. Just on time, as usual.  
>She used to love his punctuality. That evening, though, she would have prefered him to be late. That would have left her enough time to stop by the bar, order a martini she would have swallowed bottoms up, just to give her the courage to do what she was about to do.<br>She glanced in his direction.  
>Tall, fit. Wearing a light gray Armani tux and a plum tie. He had been to the hairdresser's, she noticed his grayish hair looked even shorter than usual. His tiny turquoise eyes where riveted on her, but there wasn't a smile on his face. He never smiled.<br>She displayed a fake and hypocrite smile on her face, a smile that made her resemble her mother so much. She had gotten so used to smile that way, like the double-faced person she was, that it now came to her naturally when she was in the compagny of Upper East Siders. She threw back her blonde hair behind her shoulders in a hand gesture, and approached him. Seeing her arrive, he got up. She half-hartedly kissed him on the cheek, and took place in front of him.  
>" Good evening, Lily, he said in a whisper. You look beautiful. "<br>" Bart... We need to talk. "  
>She had no idea how she was supposed to tell him without wrenching him. She felt horrible, to hurt his feelings like that, when all he had been for the past five months was a impeccable boyfriend. But she just couldn't do it anymore. She was suffocating with him, forced to pretend to be someone she wasn't, someone she wasn't anymore. A perfect high society new-yorker, who cared about nothing but appearances and charity galas. She wasn't happy, she had never been. Many times, she had vainly tried to convince herself she was, but something deep inside her heart kept reminding her it wasn't true.<br>How could she be, with a man who was the opposite of the one she dreamed of at night, the one she thought about when she was in Bart's arms, the one with whom she had, for a long time, hoped to spend the rest of her life, the one she deeply regretted leaving, all those years ago ?  
>The man who had came to see her, two days ago, to confess his true feelings about her. " I love you, Lily, always have, always will. I am madly in love with you, and I know you feel something too. So I'm waiting for you. I'll wait ten, twenty years, if that's what it takes for us to be together someday. " he had whispered before leaving the penthouse.<br>She hadn't slept that night, too preoccupied by what he had told her, too busy thinking, immersed in her old, wonderful memories. Lincoln Hawk. The concerts four evenings in a row. The nights where she used more than five rolls of film, just taking pictures of Rufus and the cat fights with the other groupies and the passionate sex in the back seats of the washed out tour bus. And she had understood, at around three in the morning, watching Bart, lying on the bed next to her, his eyes shut and breathing regularely, that during all that time, she had been with the wrong person.  
>Bart was different. He was charming, and, of course, he had the money and the power of a successfull businessman. He was Bart Bass, for god sakes. He made her feel secure : he could financially support her and her kids - even though she was not exactly in need, for she had inherited an important sum of money when her father died, and she had been dating, marrying or sleeping with billionaires ever since. He was kind, and sometimes even attentive to her needs, you know, when he wasn't on the phone with an associate in Shanghai, London, Tokyo or Berlin, doing paperwork or attending business meetings all around the world. He bought her flowers now and then, red roses. He would never know she hated roses and her favorite flowers were lilies. He had loved her, though, he still loved her. But that just wasn't enough for Lily anymore.<br>She had waiting too long. She needed to live, to be with her soul mate, to remember what love, real and pure love, felt like. She needed to be happy, once and for all.

" It's _him_, isn't it ? "  
>He wasn't stupid, he knew the four words Lily had just said to him boded no good. The hundred of girls he had slept with and the dozens he had dated had brought him, in addition to a womanizer reputation, some knowledge about women. And, in women language, " we need to talk " pretty much meant " I'm breaking up with you ".<br>Recently, Lily had been spending a lot of time with Rufus Humphrey, way too much time in his opinion. At noon, while he cancelled his meetings to take her to lunch, she politely declined the invitation to spend the rest of the day with her former lover. At night, she waited for his calls like a child waits for his chocolate cake. And how could he forget about the countless times she had muttered the two syllables of his name, in her sleep.  
>He let out a sad laugh, and wrinkled his nose, purposely not doing anything to mask his distaste. He simply couldn't understand that her, Lily van der Woodsen, could be in love with a guy like him. A scumbag, who earned his life by working in a crappy art gallery in Williamsburg, whose wife had cheated on with an artist living in Hudson, and father of two children whom he didn't have enough money to raise properly. Rufus Humphrey. A failure, that's what he was. There were no better words to qualify him.<br>She nodded, her fake smile having given way to a sad one.  
>" I'm sorry ", she sighed, placing her hand on top of his. She slowly took off the Van Cleef and Arpels ring he had given her the night of his proposal she had never really replied to, and dropped it in his palm. His hands clenched and he closed his fist, without even looking at her. He felt tears making his vision fuzzy, so he closed his eyes, he didn't want anyone to see him in that state. Nobody had ever seen Bart Bass cry, and that whore wouldn't be the first one. He refused to give her the pleasure of seeing him cry because of her. He did want to maintain what was left of his dignity.<br>" So am I ", he said coldly before throwing a twenty-dollar bill on the table to pay for the glass of white wine he hadn't even finished, and leaving the restaurant.  
>She closed her eyes, biting her lower lip. Guilt-ridden, a lump formed in her throat. She grabbed the glass of wine, wrapping her fingers around it. She brought the liquid to her lips, sipping some of the alcoholic beverage. Immediately, she felt better. She slowly openned her eyelids, set the glass back on the table. She was now certain of having done the right thing.<br>She got up, grabbed her handbag and made her way to the exit. As soon as she was on the sidewalk, she hailed a cab.  
>She only had one more place to go to.<br>- Brooklyn, please, she commanded to the driver. 


	2. Chapter 2

During the whole way to Brooklyn, questions jostled in her head. Had she really made the right decision ? Wouldn't it have been easier to stay with Bart ? And what about Serena ? Serena, her daughter, who, five months ago, as Lily was about to go away with Rufus, had begged her not to. " You can't. Please Mom, not this one. Dan is my boyfriend, and I know we're too young to talk about forever, but right now that's what it feels like. Tell me that Rufus is that important to you. Tell me that whatever the two of you have is the most important thing in your life. Because that's what Dan is too me, Mom. The most important. I would rather be Chuck's stepsister than Dan's. Please don't do this to me. " Yes, that was exactly what Rufus meant to her, she was just to scared to admit it then. What was she supposed to do ? Sacrifice her daughter's hapinness for her cruch on Rufus, for something she wasn't even sure would work out, at the time ? Serena would have hated her. She never would have talked to her again. So she had told Rufus she couldn't be with him, not as long as their kids were dating. Although she hadn't answered Bart's proposal either : secretely, she hoped that their children's romance wouldn't last, and that she and Rufus would finally be together. But it had been over five months, and Dan and Serena were more in love than ever.  
>And Lily was sick of waiting. All her life, she had waited. Waited to have the best marks of her class to get in to Brown. Waited for a letter from her sister, who had ran away to LA after her parent's divorce, to become an actress ; a letter that never came. Waited to be good enough for her mother, without realizing she would never be. Waited to find a man who could make her happy, without realizing that the only one capable of that was Rufus Humphrey.<br>So today, she had left Bart. But did that necessarily mean she could be with Rufus ? She had already hurt Bart, she didn't want to hurt Serena and Dan too, who were so happy together. If being happy meant harm the people she loved, then she wasn't sure she wanted to be happy. But they were young, they would recover from it, right ? She, on the other side, would have to live the rest of her life regretting never trying to make things work with the only man she would ever truly love.  
>The taxi stopped in front of the Humphrey's building. Lily took out two twenty dollar bills from her Lancel wallet, handed them to the driver and got out of the car. She took a deep breath and looked up at the top of the old, dilapidated building. 9th floor, second window from the left. She imagined Rufus, sitting on the couch, playing a melody on his guitar, and all of her doubts flew away. She knew what she had to do. For the first time of her life, she was going to follow her heart.<p>

She knocked three times at the door, he heart pounding loudly against her chest. A few moments later, the door openned slightly, revealing Rufus in a grey V-neck t-shirt and dark blue jeans, looking surprised to see her.  
>" Lily ... What are you doing here ? "<br>Lily frowned. What if he wasn't alone, but with someone else ? A woman ?  
>" I'm sorry, are you busy ? I know I should've called, I just ... Is ... Is there someone with you ? Can I come in ? " she asked, feeling a bit embarrassed. Maybe this was a mistake. He probably already had forgotten her, replaced her.<br>Rufus smiled. That little grin she loved so much, the one that would make her smile even in the hardest moments. He invited her to come in, reassuring her : the kids weren't home, and he was alone, doing some paperwork for the gallery. Lily felt relief overtake her. He offered her a glass of red wine, which she gladly accepted.  
>" So, " he picked up the conversation where they had left it. " You still haven't told me ... Why did you come to see me ? Not that you need a reason, " he hastened to add, not wanting Lily to think she wasn't welcome here.<br>" I don't want to wait ten years " she whispered.  
>" Lil ... "<br>" I left Bart. "  
>Rufus stared at her, unable to believe what she had just said. It was too good to be true. They could finally be together, after all this waiting, those endless nights spent hoping that Lily would come knocking at his door to tell him the three words she had just said. No words could express how overwhelmed with joy he was. He pressed Lily against the wall, pressing his lips on hers. Sometimes, there was just no need for words. A bit surprised at first, Lily quickly kissed him back, more deeply this time. The tast of Rufus' lips, the way their tongues tangled, made her feel like she was twenty again. Everything was so familiar, yet so different and new at the same time.<br>It didn't take long for their making-out to become more agressive, Lily's hands running down his chest, and Rufus' mouth slowly making its way from her lips to the side of her neck. He moved both of his hands under her ass, wrapping her legs around his waist. She moaned loudly as she felt him hard against her. He kissed her deeply, wrapped his arms around her waiste, holding her tightly, and started walking them to his room. There was a lot to be said, and many things to figure out, but right now, neither of them cared. They had waited twenty years for this, and all they could think about was their lust for each other. She kicked open his bedroom door, still kissing him passionately. He laid her on the bed, never breaking eye contact. She rolled them over, a seductive smile illuminating her face, and she put an elbow on each side of his head. She rubbed her thumb against his cheek and brushed a lock of hair out of his face as she leaned down to kiss him on the lips. He wandered his hands on her back, slowly lifting up her shirt until reaching her bra.  
>The way he was looking at her, kissing her, touching her, reflected how much he wanted her. You could feel their breathings become heavier and their moans become loader with the passing of every second. You could sense the passion and the desire that were invading the room. The tension was becoming unbearable. He had to have her.<br>" Lil ... Can I ? " he breathed, tugging at the hem of her shirt.  
>She looked down at him, her eyes darkening with desire. " Do you really need to ask ? "<br>In less than a second, the shirt was off. He skillfully unclapsed her bra as she started unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans. He helped her taking them off, and quickly took his short off too, tossing it on the floor. Meanwhile, she took off her pants too, and rolled back on him. He flipped them over, so he was on top. She now lay in front of him in only a black lacey thong, he couldn't help but stare at her. Some things had changed, and some had stayed the same, and even after all these years, she was still breathtakingly beautiful. The sight of her almost naked body made him feel the same way it did twenty years ago, but this time it was different. So much time had passed and he was eager to rediscover every inch of it. He slowly pushed her underwear off, and pressed his torso against her, kissing her softly, as he felt her hands move to the waistband of his boxers. She took her time removing them, kicking them off him with her feet. He chuckled. He slowly traced his lips from her mouth to the valley of her breasts, and started massaging each breast with his hands while kissing and sucking on each nipple, tasting the sweetness of her skin. She threw her head back and closed her eyes, moaning loudly. God she had missed his touch. Nobody knew how to pleasure her the way Rufus did. She needed him inside of her, right now. Getting impatient, she grabbed his face and kissed him fiercely on the lips. He knew that look in her eyes. He felt his heart pouding loudly against his heart, he was so turned on by that woman. He entered her in one, smooth thrust, finally giving them what they were both craving. He intensified his thrusts, hitting her deeper each time. She started rocking her hips to meet his thrusts as he kissed the hollow of her neck, pleasure electrifying their bodies from top to bottom. He increased the pace, and she grabbed a fist full of his hair as he hit just the right spot. " Yes, Rufus, yes ! " Lily cried, arching into him. He moved his mouth back to her breasts, his tongue sucking her nipples. She lifted up her hips before pushing back down on him hard, causing him to moan loudly. " Fuck, Lil. " he let out. He was so close, and he knew she was too. He pulled almost all the way out, and thrusted back in as hard as he could. They climaxed at the same time, both moaning and trembling in each other's arms. Rufus rested his sweaty forhead against hers as they tried to catch their breath, never breaking eye contact.  
>After what seemed a long time, he finally rolled off her, and lifted himself up on his elbow to look at her.<br>" Lil ... That was amazing. " he muttered, pulling the blanket over them.  
>" God, it was. " She kissed him softly on the mouth.<br>" Goodnight, Lil. " he said softly, seeing her yawn. He pecked her hard on the lips before closing his eyes, and quickly drifting into a deep sleep. Lily stayed up most of the night, just watching him sleep so peacefully. For the first time in a very long time, she felt blossomed. She had made the right decision, she was sure of it. Now that she finally had what she had waited for for so long, there was no way she was giving it up. No matter what.


	3. Chapter 3

Dawn was just breaking. Rufus slowly opened his eyes, to find Lily curled up into him, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Her eyelids closed, and some blonde locks covering her forehead, she was sleeping peacefully. He smiled.  
>He had missed waking up to her. Lying like that with her on the bed made him feel like he was twenty and on the road again. Even back then, these mornings where he would just watch her sleep, were the best part of his day.<br>He grinned, memories of last night coming back to him. Everything had been so perfect. As he had imagined it, in his dreams. Every touch, every movement, every kiss and every word was perfect. How could it not have been? They had missed each other so much; they had been waiting for this moment for so long. Sure, he had been married for eighteen years, and she had dated a succession of men, but, deep down, they both knew what they had was true love, and nothing could compare to it.  
>He felt her starting to stir in his arms. She muttered something incomprehensible, and opened her eyes, looking deeply into Rufus'. Her lips formed something similar to a smile. «Good morning ", she said in a small voice, still half asleep.<br>" Good morning, Lil. Sleep well ? "  
>" After the night we had, how could I have not ? "<br>He laughed softly, and pressed his lips against her forehead, kissing her quickly. They lay there for a moment, not knowing exactly what to say or what to do. Last night had felt like a fairytale, and neither of them wanted to get up, and go back to real life. Not just yet. They enjoyed just being in each other's arms. The warmness of their embrace was enough for them both, at least for now. Lily finally broke the silence, looking up at Rufus, who had been gently rubbing her arm for the past fifteen minutes. " I'm hungry. "  
>He gave her a warm smile. " Waffles ? "<br>" Waffles. "

Dan and Jenny having already left for school, they had the loft for themselves. Rufus began preparing breakfast, getting the waffle mix, strawberries and maple syrup out. Lily, who had put on one of his white dress shirts, was sitting on a stool, squeezing oranges to make some juice. There was a thin smile across her face and she kept glancing at Rufus. Eventually, he set down a plateful of waffles in front of her and they both started eating, making small talk and laughing together.  
>" Lil, I know you've been avoiding the subject, but, maybe we should define what ... what we are to each other. " Rufus said, looking deeply into her eyes.<br>She swallowed hard and bit her lip. That was the moment she was supposed to put her hands around his face, kiss him passionately and tell him she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. And, deep down, she knew she did. She loved Rufus. She loved him in a way she had never loved anybody else. He made her feel young again, alive somehow, but mostly, he made her feel good about herself, just by looking at her with those loving eyes and that sly grin of his or by telling her how beautiful she was. It had always been this way, Rufus knew how to treat a woman. Yet she couldn't look him in the eyes and say it. For almost twenty years, she had gotten used to fake smiles and fake feelings, and now, revealing her true feelings made her feel weak. And if anything, Lily van der Woodsen was not weak, at least she had convinced herself she wasn't.  
>That was the thing with Rufus; he could read right into her. He knew her too well. She didn't have to pretend to be someone she wasn't in his presence, didn't have to pretend she was invincible. Right now, she was scared. And from her slight frown, the empty look in her eyes and the way she kept passing her tongue on her upper lip, he knew. He took her hand, his thumb caressing it softly. <p>

She sighed. They were having a good time. Did he really have to go and ruin it by asking her to talk about the future ? _Their_ future. Couldn't they just take each day as it comes ? Why did they have to define what they were to each other ? Did they really need these labels ? " Girlfriend and boyfriend. " " Fiancé and fiancée. " " Wife and husband." They loved each other, wasn't that enough ? She had no idea what they were to each other. She still had some doubts whether she had made the right choice by coming here last night, and now he wanted her to define what they were to each other ? She needed time, time to overcome her fear of the future.  
>" We're going to be fine, we're going to be good. " she stated, because that was all she was sure of. She didn't answer his question, but he hadn't really expected her to. She had always been afraid of the future, planning ahead and everything, so her reaction wasn't a surprise, really. He thrusted his lips upon hers, the familiar taste of his mouth making her feel safe again. He started unbuttoning the shirt she was wearing, lowering his kisses until reaching her breasts. Passion filled the air on that October morning as their lovemaking started all over again.<p>

They were woken by Rufus' ringtone, a Lincoln Hawk song. Lily rolled her eyes, he was still full of himself when it came to his music. Rufus answered the phone, trying to shorten the conversation with his son as much as possible.  
>" That was Dan, " he told Lily.<br>" Dan, right, " Lily said, sounding as she had forgotten about their two kids, their two kids who happened to be dating. " I think it would be best not to tell Dan and Serena about this... us. " she added, raising an eyebrow.  
>" You're saying you want to sneak around because our children wouldn't approve of this ? "<br>She grinned. She had to admit it sounded absurd when he said it out loud.  
>" I just don't want to hurt them. You know they'd never forgive us if they had to break up because of us. "<br>" They're not related. They don't have to break up just because we are dating. "  
>" Oh, so you've decided that we were dating ? You're jumping to conclusions pretty fast, Humphrey. "<br>" I love you. "  
>She took a deep breath. " I love you too ", she let out. " But we are not telling the kids anything. "<br>" Whatever makes you happy, Lil ", he said, rolling his eyes.  
>And he meant it. In that instant, all that mattered was her happiness.<br>He had been happy, during his eighteen years of marriage with Alison, he really had. He had raised a family, he had cared about his wife and loved his children. True, they had lived an ordinary, and sometimes dull, life, and he had missed his wild nights with Lily. But he had never felt alone the way he knew Lily had. Sure, she seemed to have had everything: money, a social status, an invitation to the most private receptions, and a multitude of billionaires willing to date her. Rufus certainly couldn't give her all that, but there was one thing he could and would give her. Something very simple, yet something she had never really had: love. Real, pure, love.


End file.
